You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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