my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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