I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
