There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
