Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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