you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
