I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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