THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
