you have to choose: penises or morals?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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