k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
