He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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