dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
