I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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