im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
