3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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