I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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