apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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