Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My legs feel like baby dolphins
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
