it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need to align my fucking chakras
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
