and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
