shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
