yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
