I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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