pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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