So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
