I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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