Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
