I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love having hate sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
