So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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