If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
