That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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