Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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