I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
