dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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