Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you had me at cake vodka
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
