I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
