It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
