Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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