69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
