Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
