dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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