He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
