Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
