What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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