Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
