big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
