It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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