i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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