How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
