but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
