Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
