What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
