Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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