I met the friendliest cop last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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