It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
