i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
