had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
