just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
