So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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