Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
