You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
