Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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