and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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