shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
