that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
