I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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