Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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