They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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