She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
