I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
