You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
