I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
