i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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