just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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