he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
